how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
