I showed him my bush... on skype.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
