I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
