my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
