her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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