a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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