Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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