It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
