umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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