They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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