Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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