its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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