I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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