just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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