Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
