Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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