JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize