I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize