The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wanna go halves on a baby?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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