I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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