yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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