I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
