Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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