Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
birth control should be required to get into college
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
