I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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