My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
