the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
