Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
