i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
