yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
