if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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