you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
