This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
