Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize