A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
