So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
