she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
