I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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