It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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