Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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