i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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