the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize