hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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