So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
