ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
