Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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