I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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