Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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