You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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