ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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