I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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