Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
