He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
