i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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