He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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