At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
