I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
