girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
