There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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