i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
