i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
