Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
