if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
