Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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