"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
