But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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