I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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