My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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