Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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