Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize