laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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