I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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