I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
