why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize