Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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