Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
