All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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