Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
