I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
