i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my poor anus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
