This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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