Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
